Tonight I had a cigarette slapped out of my mouth 20 times, chased a truck while having fireworks thrown/shot at me, took 8 or so falls to the ground, and was dragged thirty feet on my back.
By far the worst part was smoking that cigarette. Smokers, I have no idea how you do that. Cigarettes are disgusting.
New product idea:
Portland’s Own authentic Artisanal Flannel is proudly hand woven from local, grass fed, free range, organic beard fibers. To ensure the superiority of our fibers, we certify all our beard sources are vegan, non-tobacco smokers, under the age of 30. Our Pacific Northwest native crafters painstakingly recreate Canadian heritage patterns from the early 1990s.
Portland’s Own, the itch is worth the look.
As I left the house on this unseasonably cold day, I came across this talisman, perfectly arrayed.
